You would have asked me, What were you thinking?
I was thinking, It’s a beautiful night.
I was thinking, I love walking in my neighborhood. I don’t take enough walks.
I was thinking that sometimes I feel like a raw nerve, calling out to the brain of humanity that its hand is on an open flame and how humanity tells me I’m too sensitive and laughs as its hand falls off.
I was thinking, I don’t need everyone to be as sensitive as I am to prove to me that I am not too sensitive. I can just be.
I was thinking, I may be outnumbered, but I am not alone.
I was thinking, as I stepped with the throng into the street, So many people are out enjoying this night.
I was thinking, Those two cyclists are not going to ride into the crosswalk.
But they did. They wove in and out and one came toward me.
And in a flash:
I was thinking, How rude!
I was thinking, Unacceptable!
I was thinking, I cannot let this go by!
I was not thinking about the reusable bag I had carried to the store, which now held a pint of non-dairy frozen dessert.
I was feeling its weight in my hand.
I was feeling like swinging it up and hitting the woman right in front of me now.
I was feeling my arm begin to make the arc and then
I was seeing the dead weight of the non-dairy frozen dessert smack that thoughtless cyclist right in the back.
I was thinking, I want to hit her.
I was thinking, I should hit her.
Then suddenly another thought was coming:
I was thinking how that would hurt.
I was thinking she would be mad. And sad. Understandably.
I was thinking, What am I thinking?
I was thinking, That is not who I am.
I stopped. She went by. I turned and yelled, EXCUSE ME.
Two voices said, Oh, excuse me.
I thought, That was close.
And then I just stopped thinking.